The one where he realized he was strange...

I've noticed that i'm strange. here's what my mornings look like:

I wake up, snooze, because everyone knows snoozing is by far the most amazing thing in the world, second only to actually sleeping. I stumble out of bed, and into the bathroom, where i begin to start my showering regimen. It is right after i turn the water on, and place the bath mat on the floor, that i realize that i have left my fucking towel in my bedroom. so i hobble back into my room, grab the towel off the door angerly, and go back into the bathroom. i take my shower slow, and with hot water (as to make sure i can't see myself in the mirror when i get out. by the time the fog clears away after i have returned to the bathroom to do other assorted tasks, i can then see myself, but at that point, i shall be wearing pants).

after the shower, and the return to the bathroom, i start my tasks. i begin with the contact application on the eyeball. this sucks. i hate it, because a little spec of something, or a little piece of fiber from my towel always ends up in the contact case, and onto the piece of plastic i'm about to insert into my eye. so, i try to put it in, but it folds over. i try again, and succeed, but this time, that little piece of dust or fiber is now wedged between my eyeball and the piece of plastic, creating a feeling that can only be described as "like sandpaper on genitals."

The next step is the "doing of the hair" - (might i note, that this is after i go back into my room, apply deodorant, and put on a shirt, because after the "doing of the hair," there is no going back and changing shirts, as there would be a "messing up of the hair" due to the tight t-shirt collar. the only exception to this is if the shirt is of the buttoning variety, and can be undone and redonned without commiting a "hair foul") This is a very intricate process where i apply hair gel to my hands, rub them together a bit for an even glaze on my hands, and then apply to the hair. lately, i've needed to do a bit of extra "rubbing in" to my hair, as it has not been cooperating, so by doing the extra rubbing, it dries the gel, and makes things a bit more manageable, but more of a "dry, frizzy" look.

Now that the hair and the upper seciton of me is completed, i move on to the lower section. I love pants. seriously, i love jeans, and pants, and stuff that covers my whole leg. but, at times, such as 90 degree days, pants are not appropriate. so i strap on a pair of shorts. but i go through the entire day wishing i was wearing pants. i do - that's weird.

footwear really isn't all that interesting, so i'll skip that.

so as i'm walking out the door, i give myself a quick glance just to make sure things are in place. usually, i'll frown at my hair, and grab a hat, and keep that on for the rest of the day, when i will continuously take off and put back on, which causes the hair on the front of my head to all come to a point, so that when i take off my hat i have a nice little V of hair on my forehead. extremely stunning.

that was fun - hope you enjoyed.

The one where he was wet...

Hey, no sick thoughts - it's just been raining constantly since classes started yesterday. That's all. I'm pretty pissed - normally, i don't give two shits about much of anything, but the lack of sunshine plus the addition of humidity in my clothing equals an upset mendick.

I'm about to go set up my new printer. I went into target, and went to their printer section, and found almost all their printers were on clearance. *score!* One of them came with a digital camera - 3.1 megapixels. that would have been hot, but since i'm from rochester, fujifilm is not an option. so i walked out of there with a half price printer, that hopefully will kick ass. i mean, i don't know how it can't kick ass - it's going to print my pages, and i'm going to forget about it. i mean, seriously, how often do you sit there and watch your printer spit shit out, and be like "wow, this thing kicks ass." no! you only think about it when it's not doing your stuff, when it's "sucking ass" and you say to it "mannnn, this thing fucking sucks ass!"

hopefully that will not be me.

this whole "door locks behind you every time" thing is really pissing me off. i don't mind having to lock it myself when i leave, if i don't have to worry about busting out the keys every time i get back from checkin the monthly laundry load.

um, oops - i've just been corrected. you can unlock it. oops. rant unnecessary.

i'm about to leave to go watch some penduwannabes try out - i'm not going to go into the ratio of people trying out to people that are actually going to get in, but it's going to be silly. i've never been around for a session of auditions, but i have a feeling it's going to be funny. not that they're all going to be bad or anything, as i'm not the best singer in the world, but i think it'll just be interesting to be on the other side of the semi-circle of desks. it's fuckin scary standing in there, singing to a group of people you've never seen before, trying to do well, and all you can do is think about how much you think they think you suck. *pant pant pant* it's not like that's going to stop me from.... enjoying myself ;)

ok, that's good. peace out homedizzles.

The one where he felt the urge to go steal cars...

Watching gone in sixty seconds. Hence the urge to steal cars. Really, really, nice cars. Anyway, we moved into bouquet gardens yesterday, which is cool. There's a lot of closet space, even more because dave and paul took the AC closet door off the hinges, and duct taped the locking mechanism open - that helps too.

The activities fair was today, which i attended and "helped" the pendulums out. ya know, i stood there and was eye candy for all the freshmen to look at, and want to join. yeah right. but what was good, is that we got 30 guys auditioning (we're not taking any girls), and we only need like 2. so um, while feeling bad that we have to turn 28 guys down, but it'll be interesting to hear them all sing. I heard thats the best part about auditions. laughing at the people that aren't all that... um, "vocally endowed," if you will.

One thing i want to know, is... what is elton john's last name? is it john? or is it something else completely unknown. like elton john schwartz. which would totally ruin his image. he's totally cooler just as "elton john" - schwartz would totally ruin it.

So this summer was freaking amazing. Things kicked ass, what with the weather, and the girl ;) And the girl followed me to pittsburgh! (haha, no she didn't - but the fact that she's in the same city, like 10 minutes away, is hot) So that is cool. I'm loving having to get used to being able to see her a lot more often than like once a month.

Catch ya later -

rah-cha-cha

The one where he was in pain...

I hurt so bad. I hurt sooooo bad. I can't believe how much pain I'm in right now. I ache all over, and I can't stand it anymore - i think i need heroin or morphine or something. I bet you can't even guess what put me in such a state, can you. well, i'll tell you.

I did 41 pushups this morning (36 until my arms collapsed, and 5 more after i rested, with my face pressed against the floor)

Sarah says "it's good pain."

How on earth can this be good pain.

Oh well - anyway, now i'm watching "tommy lee goes to college" - it's funny cause he has absolutely no idea what's going on. He's even failing band practice. he was the drummer of motley crue. wowwwww.

My favorite part of the show so far, has been that he brought in his "interior designers" and pimped out the whole room. It's a hot dorm room, but he also does no work. i mean like he does NO Work. less than i do!


so cockeater double prime is now up and running. i bought a computer from one of my coworkers, and it's damn sweet. it's also going to be the wireless access point's dhcp server so there's wireless in the area. if you happen to be hanging around building C of bouquet gardens, and you find "cockeaterdubprime" as a SSID, you know it's me - go ahead and connect - just don't download tooo much - or anything illegal.

anyway - i'm gunna pull a tony and go watch law and order

The one where he thought big...

Reading wired does that to me - it puts little ideas in my mind and starts to inspire me for a little while (only wired magazine would do that to me - what a dork) I read stories like the one about how google started (dorm rooms turned into server rooms), or where the web was 10 years ago (quote newsweek: "The Internet? Bah!"), I start to think about what i could maybe do that would be revolutionary, or could change the world - i think it would be really fun to create something that people can turn into a verb (googling).

So then I actually start to think about stuff i could possibly do, and i come up with pretty good ideas for things that I had no idea existed, but then i get shot down when i find out that CNN has been doing it for years. well crap, nevermind.

check it out - in one article about the past, present and future of the web, wired cites a survey done by macworld 10 years ago that researched what could be expected of the internet for a $10 a month fee. guess what they said: "educational courses, reference books, electronic voting, and library information. The bottom of the list ended with sports statistics, role-playing games, gambling, and dating." Now, here's the results from a survey taken in 2004 on what people actualy do on the internet: "playing games, "just surfing," shopping - the list ends with responsible activities like politics and banking. (Some even admitted to porn.)"

freaking a. people were excited about being able to see how many copies a library in tulsa has of "catcher in the rye" --- look at it now.

if you want to find something out, you google it. plain and simple. (sorry claire, you yahooligan ;) if you want to buy something, chances are if you're not older than 35, you're going to get on the internet first. you're going to froogle it, of you're going to go to overstock.com and get the best damn price out there from places that have no retail overhead. if you want to check the weather, you don't sit around stareing at the TV for 10 minutes until "weather on the 9's" comes on your local tv station. you get on accuweather or weather.com and you find out if it's going to rain in 10 min, in less than 30 seconds. you can even play weatherman and watch the radar to give yourself a personlized forecast.

10 years ago, laptops were as thick as encyclopedias, and virtually only as portable as the nearest electrical outlet. now, people head out to their favorite coffee shops with their notebooks that actually look like notebooks, and work on them for as long as they want.

ok, here's the point - i want to be part of something like that. i don't want to just sit around, taking classes that are going to point me in the right direction for a standard future. i'm not saying i have what it takes to be extraordinary in my field, but what i'm saying, is that i want to sprint down the unbeaten path, so fast that i don't leave a trail - one that won't be found for years.

there are so many things that people didn't think the web could do (ie: e-commerce, virtual communities, voice telephone service, etc) - the one thing that i really think is revolutionary when it comes to the new net, is that people are moving from being consumers of content (shown by traditionally much higher download than upload speeds - still that way today) and are now creating much of the content themselves. think of bittorrent - you have to share the file you're downloading to download anymore of it at a reasonable speed, think of blogging (duh), think of podcasting (a blog in the form of an mp3 radio broadcast) - it's all created by regular users like you and me. and it's the hottest thing since instant messaging clients.

i want to creat the new "thing" on the internet. use it for something you didn't think it could be used for. and make people go "wow."

The one where there was an ip address conflict on his network...

Those stupid little bubbles that alert you to different things (like your windows updates are ready to be installed) keep alerting me that there is someone else on the network with my ip address. i beg to differ. especially because we use dhcp. you guys know what i'm talking about. i guess i could simply just give each computer here it's own ip address. i guess. but that's stupid.

wow, someone hasn't updated in a while. i've been busy though. although, nobody wants a "what matt did over the past 2 weeks" so i'm not going to give that to you.

(i know i just said i wasn't going to tell you what i've been doing over the past two weeks, but in order for me to tell you about something, i need to tell you this:)

for the past two days, i've been doing deliveries for this messenger at public abstract. basically, people around downtown need files taken from them and to them. so that's what this guy does. anyway - he's on vacation this week. so i've been doing the deliveries.

going to an office, i was walking along next to the genesee river - it's kind of a nice walk, except it was raining yesterday, so it served as more of a shortcut than anything, to get to the water street area. along the river, there are some benches made out of stone, and rock and shit, and they're carved into the dirt. on one of the big curved benches, someone wrote (upon first glance) "911 - rochester remembers" but, from underneath my umbrella, i saw that it actually said "911 - rochester rembers"

now, i wonder why this person decided to write that there in the first place - i mean, i guess it's true - rochester remembers. but, everyone walking by that place is probably from rochester (the river isn't really a big tourist area) and being that they are from there, they would know that they remember. why on earth, would someone write (in cheap, faded, not centered, or even really in one size) lettering, something completely misspelled. now, granted, theres a lot in this entry that is misspelled, but i didn't freaking write it on a wall in downtown rochester. here, if i misspell something, you all know me, and understand what a fuckup i am, when it comes to that. but if someone else reads it (perhaps they are actually from out of town, which would negate my first rant, but helps my second), they're going to think that rochesterians are idiots.

oh man, it got really late, really fast - i should wrap this up and get to bed pretty soon. either that, or me staying in and getting sleep will have been for naught!

i mean, i already didn't do the laundry i needed to do, sheesh.

oh, i do have a question though - has anyone else realized how cool tnt and tbs have been getting lately? they're running some high quality movies. i'm watching the fugative right now - haven't seen this in a while. i'm a big fan of tommy lee. and not the porno guy. (i think that's him... is it him? it's him. final answer. no? fuck you regis.)

anyway, g'night to you all - hope you've enjoyed.

The one where he was accosted...

So I'm driving home one night (woah- that night, happens to be... this night - tonight, as some might say) - and i needed gas. so i went to the mobil in bushnells basin, because it's open 24/7. i get out of my car and start pumping gas. here's where i get accosted: there are about a trillion bugs, and they're not small either - like inch and a half long bugs with giant wings hovering around those giant, "one hour photo"esque lights they have in that gas pavilion. all of a sudden i hear something flapping, and then one landed on my neck. ahhhh! (that was the accosting- that's it)

After which, i went inside to purchase a beverage - i walked up to the counter with my vitamin water (which i'll get to in a second) and i was like "you guys got quite the bugs out there" - and the cashier just kinda gave me the blankest "i'm a moron working the night shift at mobil" look i've ever seen - "uhhhh, um, yah" was his answer. it's not like he could have missed the GIANT bugs that were circling his car. oh well.

now - the vitamin water, which claire thinks tastes like water - well, SHE'D BE RIGHT! cause it is water. with a little artificial flavoring in it and a shitload of vitamins. It's good. I had grape tonight - it's called "formula 50" because they give you 50% of your daily value of a bunch of vitamins in that bottle. now these guys over at glaceau are pretty funny. this is what's on the side of the bottle:

50 cent's new album is bound to go platinum. so forumula 50 decided to go platinum too. not to be outdone, we are proud to announce the release of our own album, "hydrate or die tryin'." all we need is one little shout out at the MTV music video awards. suckaz be movin' out the way at them beverage conferences. plus, our drink has the nutrients you need to fuel you through your day. that's just how we roll here in queens.

good shit^

so i've been extremEly happy lately, mostly because i now know that extremely is spelled with an E at the end, prior to the LY follow up. no i'm kidding - it's mostly because i'm really happy with claire. there, i said it - no euphimisms, or beating around the bush. claire's making me happy. you see it in my mannerisms and the smiles on my face. i'm eccstatic. i really am. and i'm going to attribute it all to her (rightfully so). bravo claire ;) you da man, woman. thank you :-D

no, but seriously, it's the spelling of "extremly"

when you see claire today, slap her on the ass and say, "nice job, sport" for me will you?

oh and happy birthday to her mom too. it's, um, her birthday.

let's hit enter twice again and start typing!

yay!

this is fun!

my anus is bleeding!

The one where he was less daring...

Yeah, um, so i'm blogging from work again, only this time i went a few doors down and decided to purchase internet time from a printing company down the street. Good times.

A few things:

Yesterday, one of the clerk's had done something different to her hair. she "crunched" it or something - i believe this has something to do with gel, or whatnot, but anyway - she did it. and it looked good! i really liked it. but - in order to be funny, and joke around, i told her this:

Lynette, what died on your head? (in the most serious, monotonal voice possible)

She did not, and i repeat: did not, take this well. She didn't get that it was a joke. It was, being that i liked her hair, as mentioned above. anyway, it took me all day yesterday, and some of today to get her to realize that i did like her new "do" and that she should keep doing it.

Another thing:

Hold on- crap - i had something else to talk about. I really did. Wow matt, way to freaking mess up. It wouldn't be so bad if you weren't on the clock. 7 min 30, no 27 seconds left.

OH Right - I just remembered 2 things.

First, the older of the two. The other day - i think it was last week - i walked out of the county office building, and while walking across the street, i saw this big pickup truck parked on the side of the road. Now this was one mother truck. It was all jacked up, and buff, and looked really hot, cause they made it sparkle and such with chrome, and a nice wax job. But the thing that really set it off, was the giant set of plastic testicles hanging from the rear part of the chassis. They were big, and one was hanging a bit lower than the other... I've never seen a pair of balls, hanging from the bottom of a pickup truck. This truck, obviously had style.

Second thing:

Another crossing the street story. As i was walking towards the clerk's office from public abstract (in the opposite direction as the last story) i saw someone pulling away from the curb, after being parallel parked there. They cut it a bit too close, and straped against the parked car in front of it. He just kept pulling away, but the passenger kept eyeing me down as they pulled away, as she noticed that i watched the whole thing. I remembered the license plate, and walked inside the clerks office. i hemmed and hawed about whether i should say something, but by the time i decided that it was indeed my place to take action and turn the bastard "hit and runner" in, the car that he hit was gone, not knowing what had happened at all. Oh well - at least i had plans to be moral.

crap - 40 seconds left. gtg byeeeeeeeee

The one where new assholes were ripped...

Well I didn't get a new asshole. And i didn't rip anyone a new asshole. But i witnessed someone getting a new asshole. And it was fabulous.

As you know, my family came this weekend. They're gone now, most of them, and only the cool ones remain. So the other ones that came in are from chicago and cleveland (ok, the cleveland ones are cool too, it's really only the chicago ones i'm talking about) - the four kids, 2 of which are nuts. The two girls are pretty nice, but the two boys are jackasses.

My cousin donny brought all kinds of electronic equipment with him to come visit. He's got a bunch of game systems (3 in all) and a laptop. My other cousin, named chris, was playing with his stuff, and not being very kind to it at that. So every time donny would be like, "hey chris, careful with that" or "hey chris, don't do that," chris would always reply with some dickish comment like "dont' worry donny, nobody's going to die, it's fine, you need to chill out" - he's trying to act all cool about it, when he's fucking with donny's shit. i'da fucking decked the kid. he's at that stage where he's getting older (and his voice is dropping - which is hilarious by the way) and he thinks he can do a whole bunch of shit that he can't do. he's like 13, and he wanted to drive the boat, and was like giving me crap about not letting him do it, and shit like that.

when we got him on a tube, i flew him for a loop. i have this cool little manuever (that i learned from claire actually.... thanks!!!) that gets the kid off every time. and he was hurting afterwards too. i wwas pretty pleased with myself.

Oh right - asshole ripping.

So, being that these kids have absolutly no regard for anyone else's property, they were constantly eating shit, and leaving it wherever they went. so when my mom found halfeaten hershey's bars and tipped over cans of pop stashed underneath the ottoman upstairs, she flipped to my aunt. she really let her have it - it was funny seeing my aunt backpeddling (the normally very strong woman turned into a "yes woman" very quickly) - there must be something very scary about a woman vehemently protecting her carpet.

i'd be scared.

and i was only watching.


in other news, i took a 2 hour nap today. do you have any idea how good that felt?

damn eric for sending me this thing called "crimson room" - cause i can't figure it out, and its also giving me the heeby geebys. ya know, the heebly geebly......sss.. (strong bad reference)

http://www.fasco-csc.com/works/crimson/crimson_e.php

do you ever get that feeling when you don't eat for a while? like, the lack of sugar and such? my dad calls those the heeby geebys.

so now, the next time you havne't eaten for a while, and you feel those, you can be like "hey, i have the heeby geebys" and when someone asks you what that means, you can be like "mendick's dad calls them that." and they can be like "ohhhhh"

anyway, it's time for bed. i'm tired

let's play it by ear!

The one where he thought that "holy updated blog, batman!" would be a good way to title his blog...

Woah corny.

I really haven't done this in a while, which is upsetting. Cause this is starting out like every other blog that hasn't been updated in a while - with an appology. Also, this is starting out like every "blog that's started out like everyone else's blog" blog, - with an explanation of how it's like everyone else's blog. So there - now it's not like everyone else's.

[enter large paragraph of me telling which relatives are coming in for this fiasco. i really did type it, but you know what, you don't give a shit. let me continue as if i had not deleted that paragraph.]

So that's what's going down. congrats to you that made it through that paragraph, by the way.

So uh, eh - hold on. Blowing the nose once again. (in the original paragraph above, i explained how I had been blowing my nose a lot in the last few minutes. the blowing continues, obviously)

Ahh, i feel better.

Claire came down and surprised me at work yesterday. It was a really nice surprise. I was just chillin on a bench, and i finsihed my lunch really fast, and so i called her to say hi. And then she told me she was on her way to come see me! "fantastic!" i said. Anyway, so instead of eating lunch, we just sat there on the bench, and just talked. i mean, we kissed a bit and such (not too much), but not enough for my coworker (kinda) to ask me if i was inspecting her tonsils. definitely not.

So you know what i feel bad about - Woah (no sarah, that's how i spell it), total brainfart. In the time it took me to look up, realize i needed to put something in parenthesis above, i forgot what i feel bad about. oh well - i guess i can tell you i feel bad about forgetting what i was going to say there.

something is fishy. i can't get on the internet. i'm still typing on this webeiste, but the actual internet isn't working. [walks in back room. unplugs cable modem. plugs in cable modem. walks back to computer] nope, still not working. crap. alright, i'll finish this thing up now, cause i've got some troubleshooting to do.

[on the bottle of vitamin water:]

Active Ingredients: See contents on side of bottle.
Inactive Ingredients: See contents on couch.