Monday, June 27, 2005

The one where he made a confession...

Forgive me father for I have sinned, it's been a long fucking time since i've sat this close to a priest..... Anyway- here's my confession - And to be honest, i'm sitting in my car right now with my computer, so i can make this a dashboard confessional. No, i'm kidding. But seriously, i am.

No, that's stupid - for shizzle this time.

I bought a shirt that I thought I knew what it meant, but now i'm having second thoughts on it's true meaning. So let me show you:



my shirt, with a bewildered matt inside Posted by Hello

It says "GO LOCAL Sports Team and/or COLLEGE!"

Ok, so originally I thought it was just supposed to be like a multi-purpose shirt, kind of like if i was at a redwings game, i would be cheering for them via my shirt, because i'm at their game. If i was at a pittsburgh pirates game, i would then be rooting for them. anyway, here's where the question comes in. since it was on www.tshirthell.com i would imagine that it would be more.... riské than just a "multipurpose" shirt. Also, I seem to be getting looks from people. The ones you get when you're wearing an offensive shirt. Anyway.

I want you to comment and tell me what you think the shirt means, cause i sure as hell don't know anymore.

Thanks.

~The 98pxy $10,000 fugative

Saturday, June 25, 2005

The one where he should have been sleeping....

I should really be sleeping. But, i promised claire i'd blog yesterday, and um, i didn't (minus 300 points) and so i need to try to redeem myself and blog now. I've been falling asleep all day and night. (ok, so the night part doesn't sound so bad, but it was like, early evening - like 8 o'clock, and my girlfriend was there - what the heck) - I need sleep. I have almost mastered the art of sleeping while standing up, which is nice because i stand the entire day. Today was really hectic. Here's an example of today's events:

[i'm at the county clerk's office across the street from my company's office]
*cell phone rings*
me - "hello?"
adam - "hey matt - do you have 347 wharfield rd?"
me - "um... hold on let me check"
adam - "alright"
me - "uh no dude, i don't see it anywhere"
adam - "alright, put that on top and make sure it goes on record asap"
me - "but adam, i don't have it here"
adam - "yeah, give sharon a call right away when it goes on ok? thanks!"
*click* - he hung up

so i'm standing there "wtf"ing to myself, and i get another phone call:

me - "hello?"
adam - "mingya fucking lady - she was standing right there next to me"
me - "oh you mean you have the closing?"
adam - "yeah, it's right here - she walked in with some big shot from the corporate office and i had to hide it under my arms so she wouldn't see it"
me - "so you were lying your ass off the whole time"
adam - "fuck yeah dude, she was scary"


and now, i would like to give a quick shout-out to my happiness! thanks for being there for me! you've been great! what's that? someone sent you? cl.... what? ohhhhhh good call ;)

wow, sorry - cheesy, and you probably all get it, and i wasn't being very coy, but that's ok - i don't give a rat's ass.

and neither does "amber"

look, as i stated earlier, i should be sleeping.

"woa-ho, smell ya later" - everyone loves the fresh prince of bel air

Saturday, June 18, 2005

...

Haha, i guess i just thout that would look funny in my profile. ^^^

Woah, so someone had a good birthday. Work wasn't too bad, although i stayed up way too late the night prior to, so i was tired all day. Claire came downtown and took me out to lunch at CJ's gourmet sandwiches and soups. we both devoured "gourmet sandwiches and soups" just like the sign said, and we also commented on the paint job at cj's. the place is painted mostly white, with purple, and neon green accents. very interesting.

then tony called and ruined everything.

just kiddin buddy! but seriously, you did.

later that evening, i went out to dinner with my parents at this restaurant called bacco's - it's a small italian restaurant in an old house on park ave - pretty hot place, i really like it. after that we came back here and singed my cake. wait, i mean, we put 21 candles on it (1 for good luck) and it almost burnt down it had so much fire on it. anyway, after that claire came over and we went to... JAVAS. surprise surprise. i didn't want to be repetitive, but ya know what? i wanted to go there, and by gosh, it was my birthday and i can do whatever i want to!

so you know what the most interesting thing i did today was? i re-pimped my car. i found the neon lights in my trunk, the wires were still in the foot wells, and so i just re put them up, and badda bing - we're pimp again. it's def going to be weird driving with them at night again though. i also have to live with the fact that as i have done this again, i am now a giant tool. also - i had to reorder neon wire, because the little box that controlled the wire that i have SUPER GLUED to my console doesn't work anymore. So i think i might be able to connect the new wire and the old wire to it - that'd be cool. and a shit load of wire that i dont' know what to do with. oh well - anyway. maybe i can re SUPER GLUE the new wire to my console and take the old stuff off. if anyone has any good way to get super glue off car interior, let me know, btw ;)

"who would want to be such an asshole?"

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The one where he freaked out...

So as I sat today, my ass numb from sitting for too long, and my scanner squeaking too much because the rollers and pins inside are overused, i longed to surf the internet. I couldn't though, for fear of getting in trouble. So, i sat back, and thought of other things. And this is one of them:

All of a sudden, while scanning somebody's xeroxed death certificate, i looked up, and realized where i was. to be honest, i got really scared for a second. i looked up, and saw the walls, and "imagined" walking through them, to the outer wall, and outside the outer wall, is a nasty alley, wet with the fog and mist that had been blanketing rochester all day, and dirty with cigarette buts of years gone by, and homeless people asking for money and looking as sad as I've ever seen another human being. I think about how far, distance wise, i was from home, and from my comforting bed, and even farther away from all the people i love, and care about. it freaked me out for just that one second, the one instance in time, and then everything went back to normal. it was so strange. it's not the first time that's happened to me. other than this morning, it also happened a few times when i was at school. just a quick realization of reality.

In other news, as i was leaving circuit city, with the 4th router that i own in my hands, i drove past a man walking through the parking lot - i should say, along the road that feads the parking lot, with a ceramic bowl in his hand (a big fucking bowl) and a spoon, consuming whatever was in the bowl. I was imagining potato salad, but that's just because i was in the mood for potato salad at the time. currently, i'm full, and can imagine several different things he could have been eating - beans, peas, soup (probably not - big bowl + soup + walking = splish splash) - or perhaps he was eating lasagna from the bowl, that had been previously cooked and then transferred into the bowl, because everyone knows you can't cook lasagna in a ceramic bowl of that size.

I have a rotting coconut on my desk. With a little umbrella in it too. How tropical.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The one where a dog impeded his ability to arrive on time...

I blog to you from the hospital...

so i'm driving down the highway at a slow pace of about 85, headin downtown to get to the office, when all of a sudden i see a sea of red lights up over the hill, and the entire lot of traffic in front of me stops. I quick slam on my breaks, but to no avail, i slam into the car in front of me. Not too fast, but i did set off the airbags, and i broke my nose. Right now, i'm sitting in the lobby of the hospital, where they have an internet terminal for people waiting. I think i'm going to go to work tomorrow, but that's only if it stops bleeding.

Although there is more to tell about the road today - before the accident, there was a dog on the other side of the highway, that was stopping traffic on that side - rather, they were moving at a dog's pace, as he was in the fast lane. SO... of course - MY side of the highway had to slow down, almost to a stop, to watch the spectacle. I can freaking understand if you slow down a little bit to see what's going on - but ya know what, don't roll along at the same speed the dog is walking in the opposite direction. It's not smart, becaue if you slow down so much, people behind you may slam into the car behind it. Kind of like i did.

but didn't do - sorry, that was a joke. i dunno if you fell for it, but i would have - i'm gullable.

today - i got repremanded at work - they had been checking up on people using the internet, and they found the sites i'd been going to. They obviously saw they were too bad for me to visit whilest i'm scanning (THE most boring job on the planet) in order to keep myself awake. they were the following:

www.slashdot.org
www.gmail.com
www.google.com
www.dictionary.com (to look up words on documents i didn't know)
news.google.com
www.weather.com
www.rochesterdandc.com


Obviously, just about porno.

screw them - one thing that i didn't like, was they saw one email i sent my mom. i sent it from my gmail account, a web based email account. were they watching my computer (and also my passwords and such?) wow, bunch of crazy mo fo's.

I've also gone on a mission not to drink much pop. I'm not going to say i'm giving it up for good, it's just that i really need to cut back. It's not good for you, dag namit, and so i shouldn't do it.

go go gadget publish post!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The one where he didn't know bleep...

I've been watching this movie called "what the bleep do we know" for the past few days. I kind of just keep it minimized, and come back to it whenever. When we went to mcquaid to visit and such, and were making the rounds, simon and I went into mrs. bors room. simon knows her and whatnot - i really don't, but i went in anyway and we had a chat. During this chat, she suggested watching this crazy hippie physics movie called "what the bleep do we know" She's right - crazy hippies are at it again. But it's good. Makes you think about what reality is, in reality. Although, it did lose some credibility when one of the "scientists" on it, described the way the brain works, as electrical impulses shooting like lightning bolts from one neuron to another through the synaptic cleft. No fucking way. Chemicals are in the synaptic cleft. Electrial impulses are within each cell. She's full of shit. Where did she go to school the university of completely wrong science? Sheesh.

But for the most part, it's an interesting flick. It's a documentary interlaced with a traditional movie of sorts, that's plot line helps illustrate what they're discussing in the documentary portion. You should download, um, ehem - i mean buy it.

it's also on www.gk2gk.com's top 10 list of geeky movies. (gk2gk.com is "geek to geek" - a geek dating website, if you were wondering - it's related to this: http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/317296p-271224c.html)

yesterday my grandpa embarassed the fuck out of me. not in front of other people, but ok, let's just say he was discussing his use of viagara in a bit too much detail to be discussing with your grandson.

Oh, the other day, i had a cookout at my cottage. not many people came, but the people that did seemed to have a good time. i should do that again sometime. i could perhaps do without the giant thunderstorm that rolled in right as we were getting kurt out of the water again on one ski. yeah - he's freaking amazing on the water. skipper kurt. then we played poker. i think evan won - either him or dennis. i wasn't paying attention, because i was the first one to get out. stupid ace / 10 and not being good enough. seeing simon was good too - he was in town for his brother's graduation, which is cool / fucking scary. the thought of tim graduating from h.s. is like woah. cool, but woah. he's going to kick ass at mercyhurst. hopefully i'll be able to go down and visit him sometime. maybe i'll just go down there by myself or something and chill for the weekend or so. that could be fun. and then a few weeekends later, i can travel down with sarah and claire and visit tony - then bring his ass back up to rah - cha - cha

lol - t-shirt hell brought back the "worse than hell" section. basically, the guy that runs it took it down (for reasons he didn't divulge) a little while ago, but then because of public outcry, and the need to display foul matter in the name of free speech, he brought it back. that's quite the "hated by kafka" sentence right there. anyway - there's a funny one up there now.

"Dave Chappelle went back to Africa. One down."

Of course, they comment on this one by saying "We're just kidding. We love Dave Chappelle. We're sure he only went there to fuck the giraffes like we do."

Now that's a bit weird, but still, funny.

Now what would really be funny, is if I made this shirt:

"Tony went back to (south) Africa."

Cause he's black. But he's alll white chocolate. Wow, i hope he doesn't take offense to that. Fuck him if he does ;) right buddy? You can make fun of my uke ass all day long. I like it - i love it - i want more of it.

Right sensei faust?

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The one where he was an... what? an LJ whore?

If you're an LJ whore, i guess you've seen this. I have no idea. I'm not an lj whore. But - simon is. and he told me to put this in my blog. so basically, you comment with your name, and i do 2-7 for you. 1 is really bullshit, and so is 8, because it's the "forward it to all the people you know, or you're going to die a wonderfully horrible death" clause on the end of most chain letters. except for the jesus loves you ones. they just say "jesus won't love you anymore" on the end. anyway.... "do ittttt" [cheech voice]

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an "o'clock" to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal. (or you will die a wonderfully horrible death - or, jesus won't love you)

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The one where he was daring, and blogged from work...

Sitting in the work room, air conditioning bellowing from the air pipes above me, I sit and blog. Outside it's "frickin hot" degrees, and getting warmer. Humid too! But i'm sure you all know that.

For a little wrap up, I got my car cleaned. It smells less like ass and funk, but i think that's perhaps from me getting used to it. So - i think that when i get a chance, i need to shampoo the hell out of the carpet in the trunk. Anyway - for the time being, it smells like "new car," which is exciting.

I did not give my room an overhaul. And um, I don't think my mom knows yet. So it's kind of like a waiting time bomb until she finds out. And when she does, she's going to freak. So maybe i should do that. Soon.

I left my keys and my wallet at the cottage yesterday. So um, i don't have those today. Although i was able to find a spare key, and some money so i can pay for parking and such today. Speaking of yesterday - i went out with my sister on the jetski - oh man, you'd think you'd get away from all of the allergens that are on the land, out on the water - but um, no- you don't. By the time we were done, both me and my sister were "crying" (tears pouring out of our eyes), sneezing, snotting, and just all around feeling like shit from all the crap that was in the air. it was almost silly looking.

You know how excited I am that that picture is on the internet? lol, you guessed it - very excited. you all know how i like to divulge information way past the point of anyone ever wanting/needing to know, so a picture simply accentuates a really great story. yup - me in a newspaper. doesn't get any better than that.

Of course, it was funny when eric said he saw me in the newspaper, i got all excited cause i thought he meant i was mentioned or something in a newspaper. i even google newsed myself to see what he was talking about. but he was simply refering to me... in the newspaper.

eww. i just sneezed all over the floor. that's frickin distgusting.

peace out from the wonderful world of abstracting.

TAG

Sunday, June 05, 2005

The one where he was f***ing a coconut...

No, that's not true. Not true at all. Although it does remind me of my need to download that dane cook cd. And play it. In m car - for all to hear. But - in reference to the coconut, i have one now. I went to fairport canal days - (not root canal days - those are different days - i got confused) and i bought a pina (minus the little tilde above the n or the a- i can't remember) inside of a hollowed out coconut (way the hell too many parenthesis' in this sentence)

So now i have a coconut with a little umbrella sticking out of the top - so cool. Maybe i'll find another one and make a bra. maybe i won't - i said i was going to do that like 7 times yesterday - it even got annoying for me to hear it again.

My parents just told me i'm to give my room an overhaul tomorrow. I guess overhaul means taking out the crap i'm never going to miss anymore and putting it in the garbage. They're asking me to throw away my childhood! I can't believe they're doing this! Actually, i'm just more of a compulsive pack rat, who doesn't throw anything out for fear i'll need it in the future. Yeah - i'm going to need that rand mcnally streetfinder gps for the palm III that doesn't work anymore because i lost the power supply. Never can tell when i'm gunna need that again. Gheesh. And you never can tell when i'm going to need that broken pcmcia ethernet card that only works when you apply an eleborate system of yarn, duct tape, and extremly good luck. Never can tell...

So basically, after i go to delta sonic tomorrow morning, bright and early when there's no line and get my car defunkified, i'm heading back here, after going to target and picking up a bunch of boxes. I'm throwing my life into those boxes and stashing it away in the basement, where after 30 years i'm going to come back and say - damn, i'm certainly glad I saved that broken pcmcia ethernet card, cause by gosh, i'm really in the mood to try to get that thing work.

30 years... i wonder where I'll be. Probably running around doing pimp my pc like mr. hucko suggested I do. basically, his suggestion to me, would be to get a van, outfit it with a bunch of cool computer cases, and sweet cooling systems, and go door to door, pimping people's pcs. ya know - like xzibit. only less black. and everyone knows i'm so much cooler than xzibit anyway. all he does is pimp out cars - i pimp pc's.

~I steal music off the internet

Friday, June 03, 2005

The one where he bought a new hat...

So after much harping by the parents, my sister, claire, and everyone else involved, i decided to get a new hat. They told me to wash the old one, but that shit wasn't coming clean - it's kind of like the mob. They go to jail and live for a few years after it without getting in trouble, but ya know what? They're just gunna go right back to holding illegal casino nights in shady attics of guys they have threatened to break the legs of. Darn tootin.

So I have a new pitt hat. It's astonishing how much a giant sweat stain, and sun bleaching can do to the appearance of your head garment. Like night and day. More like deep blue, and light purple.

So as per the hundreds and hundreds of comments i recieved telling me to defunk my car (3) - i will indeed comense the defunking on monday. it starts at delta sonic. and ends with um, yeah that's all i'm going to do. I'm going to be a lazy mother fucker and pay someone to clean my car for me. but that's not really the reason. they have some high powered smelly shit that they spray in the corners of your car that make it smell "oh so sweet" and make it "oh so not funky smelling like ass."

i totally havne't been working on cockeater lately. i really should. I really should get my ass started on a new cockeater - cockeater double prime! it's going to be the media center pc version of cockeater. and it's going to be hot - i promise. plus, he's going to be controlling our dvd changer that we're going to build when we get to school in august. at least that's my plan.

today i drove really slowly with my mom in the car, cause i didn't want the empty beer bottles in the trunk to rattle around too much. maybe i should take them out. maybe that's what's making my car smell like ass.

alright, i'm pissed off cause it's raining, and i'm supposed to be going outside tonight. well screw that - i'm going outside anyway!

~what's this? i haven't gotten a raise in 3 years? something is awry.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The one where he was in the mood to drive 6 hours...

yeah, i'm in the mood to drive 6 hours. more like, i'm in the mood to go to chicago. more like, i'm in the mood to go be a geek.

no wait - in reality - i'm in the mood to go to next fest!!!

www.nextfest.net

It's gunna be flippin sweet, by the way. I need to find someone (that's willing, and able) to go with me though. It's the 25th of june, - this month. I wanted to ask claire, but she's got to work. Oh by the way, this is a technology festival - i don't think tha'td be her cup of tea.

but to be honest, it's not like this is just a bunch of geeks staring at the original apple. this is a technology festival, with not just computer stuff - in fact, most of it isn't computer stuff. It's new and interesting ways to travel, and technologies that will change the future.... in the future.

ok whatever - put nextfest in the back of your head for a while, and listen to more worthless shit:

so my car smells like the worst ass you have ever smelled in your life. worse than me, the two brothers hucko, and kendall could do in the mornings before mcquaid. it's because i filled two cases of beer with ice in my trunk, and um - silly me, it melted, and dripped all onto the carpet. now i'm assuming there's mold and mildew growing back there, that needs to be taken care of. i tried spraying some lysol air freshener - ya know "kills 99.9%" of the germs in the air, and such, but it only worked for a few minutes. then the ass came back. "in full force and effect" (just like the wording on a power of attorney - lawyers are silly - they use phrases like "in full force and effect")

so next fest! ... ok kidding.

~transformers - more than meets the eye

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